Sunday, April 22, 2007

Prague is cool man, groovy even. I came to Prague with the same expectations I come to with any new city: zero. I find if I go in with an open schedule (and open mind) I have a greater appreciation of the sights than if I were racing from one destination to another, playing the 'Let's see how many pictures I can take in one day' game. Don't get me wrong, I love taking pictures of interesting sights but it's not the goal when I roll up to a new destination; it's not like I'm Japanese or anything. Oh wait.

Anyway Prague is different, ancient architecture rises out of the landscape surrounded by modern buildings that just don't seem to fit. I walked around the first day just saying "Prague . . . Prague man, wow" and "You see that building? It's in Prague. That woman over there? Oh yeah, she's from Prague." I managed to see a Dali exhibit, a chocolate painting museum and a couple other art galleries that day. The view from Charles Bridge is absolutely incredible, as are the sculptures that adorn either side. The bottom of the statue of St. John has been worn away by so many people rubbing the relief of him getting thrown off the bridge that the bronze is completely polished and starting to get grooves in it, much like the feet of St. Peter in the Basilica in Rome. I don't know what it is about rubbing the feet of statues but it seems to be a part of the human condition, as people in Fukuoka rubbed the feet of Billiken too. Now Billiken has two grooves worn into his wooden feet, poor guy. It's tough being a deity, people want to rub your feet all the time. Wait a minute, that doesn't sound so bad.




Prague Castle is far out. The view of Prague from the area around the castle (including the royal garden) is nothing short of spectacular. I spent over an hour wandering around taking in the view and marveling at it all. The castle (one of the biggest in the world) also contains the Royal Palace (which was closed, faken!), St. Vitus Cathedral and a number of museums and exhibits, too numerous to mention. I highly suggest taking the 'Story of Prague Castle' tour although it is a little expensive.



Come to think of it, every museum I've gone to has been pretty good although expensive, except the Sex Machines Museum which is while not dedicated to James Brown, is dynamite, slightly disturbing and flat out hilarious at times. It's like the Amsterdam Sex Museum with all the "boring" parts cut out.




The story of Prague castle is long and a bit boring at times until you get to the end and they show a short movie of the crown of St. Wenceslas (from the Christmas carol, remember?) and the coronation cross. The crown is crazy, simply incredible. They have a replica but the film shows the real thing: a crown so extravagant it makes the sultan of Dubai look poor. I mean this crown is made of gold and covered with jewels big enough to choke on if you were to ever swallow one. I took a photo of the replica but it doesn't sparkle and make you go "Oooooohhh" like the real thing. The video of the crown also showed a special cross which was also used in the coronation of kings. Not only is this cross also made of gold and jewel encrusted but it's also supposed to contain pieces of the cross on which Jesus was crucified and other stuff that he had when he died like nails from the cross, the sponge that gave him his last drink (vinegar) and thread from a rope that did something special like pull his donkey or something.

After visiting the castle proper I watched a blacksmith working on making a piece of metal sharper on one end and ended up buying an iron cork screw. I hadn't bought anything from Prague yet and wanted something that would remind me of it but not a key chain or anything retarded like that. So I bought a corkscrew which should last me the rest of my life and is only slightly less retarded than a key chain. Did I mention it can also open bottles? It weighs about a kilo and can double as a brass knuckle if I ever get in a brawl after opening a bottle of Merlot, "I got your mahogany and black currant hints right here pal!" Mobile blacksmithing seems to be a lucrative profession in Prague because I saw another one making a horse shoe on one of the main streets. He was also selling these solid iron knives that were really sweet but I'd already bought my bottle opener and I knew if I bought a knife it would just sit on my shelf somewhere, which I would point to it when people came over and tell them it came from Prague, then have to show them on a map where Prague is (Czech Republic).

I went to St. Vitus Cathedral and was overwhelmed by it's sheer size and amazing stained glass windows. I immediately wished I was Catholic so I could appreciate it that much more. Of course when I saw Ankor Wat I wished I was Buddhist and when I saw the Sistine Chapel I wished I was Catholic and when I visit the Dresden Frauenkirche I wished I was Protestant. What I really wish I had after seeing all these religious land marks is a degree in Religion. Not that you need to be religious to appreciate these temples of faith, but I think it helps. Anyway St. Vitus is huge, intimidating and even has a crypt underneath, the perfect ingredients for a horror movie (get on it, Jose!). St. Winceslas is even buried in the church as is someone else important because he there is a HUGE silver tomb right in the back. Ok, the tomb is for St. John Nepomuk, the same guy who got thrown into the river off of Charles Bridge. One of the best parts of St. Vitus is the view that you get when you ascend the South tower. One must climb over 400 steps inside a painfully narrow spiral stair case to reach top, which becomes difficult because half of the people who try to make the journey are clearly not in the best of shape. Going up I was behind three sweating Italian guys and in front of two beautiful panting Spanish women. I was living someone's fantasy I'm sure, but not my own. I kept saying "Come on!" when we stopped for the fat people coming down the stairs or when we stopped when someone in front had to take a cigarette break. But the view at the top was worth it, and coming back down I went so fast I got dizzy.


The next day (or maybe the same day) I went to a small art gallery which was showing off the works of Viktor Safonkin, a Prague surreal artist who received the Dali Award for painting really crazy paintings. I managed to take a picture of the best piece in the room before the guy playing solitaire on his computer said it was not possible for me to take photos of the pictures. Not possible? Well I just did didn't I? Unfortunately I don't know the name of the painting but am trying to find it out. All I know is that's it's downright crazy and leads me to believe the man does LSD on a regular basis. Ok, the painting's called 'Army of Irritation.'



In my wanderings I also found a place that sold cannabis iced tea. The website for it is www.c-ice.cz but unfortunately it's in some language other than English so I'm at a loss. I didn't try it so I can't comment on its effectiveness. But the shop claimed to have sold thousands of cans of it already so it must do something. I'm sure if I search hard enough in Amsterdam I can find it.



I left Prague by train an spent the night in Berlin. I could have left at 6 am and spent the whole day traveling by train but the thought of getting up at 5 wasn't too appealing. I arrived in Berlin with enough time to walk around so I thought I would swing by the Ka-De-We, the biggest
department store in the whole of continental Europe. I had been there before and marveled at their selection of prepared meats and thought I'd try to grab a cappuccino there. Well, imagine my surprise when I found an enormous cue in front of the store filled with people dressed up like gangsters and flappers straight from the roaring 20's. At first I had no idea what was going on, then I saw the Spanish people on stilts and really had no idea what was going on. Look, one even has a violin case with cash coming out! Because nothing says 1920's like a instrument case full of uh, fake money. But he looks happy and is on stilts, who am I to judge? I thought about trying to talk my way in but then realized that not only were these people dressed up like the 20's but most of them looked like they were old enough to remember what it was like back then. I wanted to walk up to one and ask what they thought about Capone and his cronies.

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